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  • La terapia del ridere. Guarire con il buonumore Autore: Sonia Fioravanti e Leonardo Spina. Editore: Red Edizioni.

  • Airline comments

    Airline comments

    By Ines from Canada

    The United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people, we're not picking

    out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!

    ************ ********* ********* *******

    On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your

    belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's

    something we'd like to have.'


    'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of

    this airplane'


    An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his

    ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required

    the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,

    and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of

    his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,

    thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had

    gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,

    'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'

    'Why, no Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'

    The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'


    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice

    came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'


    After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis , a

    flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when

    opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has

    shifted after a landing like that.'


    Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask

    you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the



    Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo Texas on a

    particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain

    was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight

    Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain

    in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's

    left of our airplane to the gate!'


    'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an

    emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our

    compliments. '


    'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.

    Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight

    attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that

    gentleman over there.'


    Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake

    City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite

    a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking I'm here to tell you it wasn't

    the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight

    attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'


    After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with,

    'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and

    the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.

    And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,

    we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the



    Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you

    folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge

    to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope

    you'll think of US Airways.'


    Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to

    smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can

    light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'


    A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a

    comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the

    intercom; 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to

    Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead

    is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now

    sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!'

    Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the

    intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you

    earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally

    spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my


    A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of


    (16/04/2010 Tg0-positivo)